Thursday, November 30, 2006

Are you gangsta enough.....

See I hate 50 cents! And when I say hate, I mean hate in the literal sense. In my view the man has set back the black race at least 100 years.
Earlier this year our little walking stereotype decided to declare war on Oprah. And other rappers followed suit. Well 50 is at it again, calling Oprah an Oreo to the most gangsta of publications Elle magazine.
Saying “She started out with black women’s views but has been catering to middle-aged white American women for so long that she’s become one herself. I think the idea of being publicly noted that she’s a billionaire makes [black women] interested in seeing her views. But it’s even more exciting to the demographic of white American women she’s been aiming at to see that she has the exact same views that they have.”

Oh really and who do you suppose buys that crap which Mr. Cents tries to pass as music? One hint: white, suburban, under 25 year old males.
Now for 50 and other rappers who want to take aim at Oprah. When you build a school for girls in South Africa and quietly set up foundations to combat the spread AIDS then maybe you can talk.
Or when you stop getting angry at people like Michael Richards for using the N-word but continue to use the word in your music then you can criticize. And when you stop perpetrating the stereotype of the black male that record companies have hand crafted for you then maybe you can criticize Oprah.
Until then, in the words of another rapper “Dig a hole and bury yourself”

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Coming Out Fighting

Heav'n has no rage like love to hatred turn'd
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

The women are about to wage a war. First, Brit dumped her dead weight K-Flop. Pamela Anderson is splitting with Kid Rock (who saw this lasting more than a year?) and word is that Beyonce might be getting rid of Jay-Z.

This can be seen as good news to some, such as the owner of this blog. But I was looking forward to seeing the results of a human and duck offspring. Imagine the wonder and knowledge that could be gained from such an event.

The rumored reason for the breakup is another woman. You see, Beyonce could have just went along with a threesome like Nas wanted with Kelis and Carmen. But no, she had to just make a song about dumping some guy. I hope she regrets pulling on Jay's belt like a whore in that seizure inducing video.

K-Flop seems not to be taking his latest bumps too hard. On a messageboard a guy that worked for a local newspaper tried to give away free tickets to a K-Flop concert. Only a few people showed interest and the only reason was because they wanted to go and heckle him. In the end the free tickets could not even fill half the show. Maybe Kevin will wake-up and go back to doing what he does best, making babies. Here is a Thanksgiving photo of him and his tribe:
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Pam, you crazy over-hyped PETA whore, what was going through your mind when you married Kid Rock (the guy has a son named Bob Jr.) Did he remind you of your trailer trash fan base roots? Was it the smell of his Irish Rose breath? Maybe the salty fried onion with a dash of garlic aroma of his armpits? Glad to see you coming to your senses at last. Let us pray that we never have to see or hear from Kid Rock again.
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In closing a tip to all men out there... if you are in just a little doubt about your marriage and you know that you have cheated on your wife and she bathed you in pepper spray after she went downtown on Jay-Z. Make sure to at least pamper her after the divorce because you do not want to end up like Nas, fodder for my updates.

One last tip do not tape yourself getting pegged(*the link is probably not suitable to view at work), like ADO Den Haags (Dutch soccer club) keeper Stefan Postma. Better yet do not tape yourself having sex at all. Who in the heck looks at those things afterwards anyway?

Friday, November 24, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving

First off I hope everyone had a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving. Depending on where in the world you live,you may or may not have a lot be thankful for.
Here's what we're thankful and maybe not so thankful for.....

Very thankful that Nicole Richie fired her drug dealer stylist Rachel Zoe. And she's already looking more healthy!

Not so thankful that Jay-Z allowed Paris Hilton into his Las Vegas concert. Then he didn't kick her out after she spent the entire show looking into her mirror. I can forgive a lot things when it comes to Jay-Z. For instance, the fact that there are only three good tracks on his comeback album or that he hasn't forced Beyonce to pick up a book. But this is just unforgivable!

Very thankful that Jennifer Lopez still thinks that she's relevant. JLo will show up to an opening of envelope and even TomKat's wedding. Which on slow day like today she makes a great filler for this blog.

Not so thankful that Beyonce is using Tyra's weave maker. Repeat ten times: "Cover up the lace"

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Michael Richards is not Kramer

If you have been living in a cave then even you know that Michael Richards went crazy. He was doing some lame stand-up while two men were talking. Richards told the men to shut up, he then stopped his act and went off on the guys using some very strong words. He called the guys nigger and said they had done the same thing 50 years ago they would have been hanging from a tree.

Below is a clip from the show

As you watch the video you can see people at first laughing, then after a minute people stop laughing and start to walk out. It must have really sucked to be that guy that has to come on stage at the end of the video. The owner said he let Richards return to the stage the following night because he thought Richards was going to say sorry. That did not happen.

Monday night with Jerry Seinfeld was a guest on David Letterman. There was a video link with Richards so he could explain what happened. Richards tried to say sorry but came off as less than sorry. It has been floating around on messageboards that Richards will try to cover this up. He may come out has an alcoholic or hooked on some pills. He seemed to get angry again during the apology.

Here is a preview for the video link up, while Richards was speaking some people begain to laugh. Seinfeld told them to stop and said what was happening and what happened was not funny.

Is Richards a racist? Lots of comics get heckled, lots of comics have it people talking during their act. Does that mean they also have a right to act the same way? Of course it does not, nobody should act the way Richards did, nobody should say such ugly words. I want to believe that the funny Kramer and the guy that played him is not a racist. Remeber the black and white cookie? Who knowns, at first I wanted to call him racist but after seeing the two videos, I am lost. He was wrong for saying such ugly words that should never be used by anybody. But I want to believe the best and think he tried to make a joke out of it but failed. It failed really really hard.
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"You said you were bringing a white boy home, not a fool!"

Monday, November 20, 2006

Death of a Dynasty

Death of a Dynasty
Review of Jay-Z's Kingdom Come

By R.L. (desperately fabulous contributor)

How do you tell the greatest of all time, It's time ? That's the question everyone at Def Jam studios is asking themselves today. How do you tell the person with whom you grew up listening to that it's time to close up shop? It seems like only yesterday I was in my bedroom listening to ‘Reasonable Doubt’. And even if I didn't know how much money a "half a brick" was I knew that since Jay-z said it, it had to be a lot. Even as a young man I understood Jay-Z was different. His music had a way of taking you to the place where he needed you to be to enable you to understand his lyrics. Sadly, this same advantage has now become his biggest downfall. Kingdom Come one of Rap's most anticipated albums gives us an in-depth look into the world of the new and improved Jay-Z.

The Prelude
Like most Jay-z Albums he introduces himself back to the public and let's us all know the King is back. One of the most interesting things he raps about is how he sold drugs back when selling drugs actually meant something. And for those of us who grew up in the 80's, back then selling drugs was a big deal!!!!!

Oh My God
On this track Jay-Z gives us some of that old Jay we all love and wanna see again. He seems to have a hard time balancing out his new life and his old life on this one .Producer 'Just Blaze' gives him a 'one of a kind beat' like so many of Jay's classic albums.

Kingdom Come
This song right here sounds like that 96'97 Jay-Z. He does a great job of delivering those punch lines and he carries the beat on this one. The B-side single to 'Show Me What You Got', shows us that Jay can still spit a hot 16 when need be.

Show Me What You Got
2 years off and this is all you could come up with? Oh my bad, did I just say that out loud? The lead single on this album Jay gives us what every Jay single does: something to shake our booty to at the club. He could have re-released "I just wanna love you" and gotten the same response.

Lost Ones
Now here is where the album gets interesting????? After being tight lip about what was going on with the Roc-a-fella family. Jay-Z raps about how his former business partner’s attitude was the reason for their separation. If that's not enough, in the second verse he raps about his relationship with Beyonce. If nothing else this song is worth listening to, just for those two verses.

Do you wanna ride
In another weird twist Jay-Z takes us through the prison system as he talks to a close friend. I love the beat (Produced by Kanye West) and the chorus sung by John Legend and for a second you almost get the feeling that it's Jay-Z rapping on their song and not Vice Versa. The second verse stands out the most on this one.

30 Something
First off Dr. Dre is a probably the only person near 50 years old who the music game still needs. Dr.Dre does his thing on this beat & Jay tries to keep up but doesn't do a good job. I hate to say this but it’s almost like the beat is to young for Jay-Z. Overall the concept is cool but Dre and Jay just don't connect on this one.

I made it
My sister summed this song up, when she said that it sounds like ‘Dear mama 2006’. Jay-z does something every black male does when they get some money "Thank ya mama" Overall the song loses interest about minute in and does very little to get you back.

On paper Pharrell, Usher and Jay-Z should make for a classic record right? Wrong, this song does nothing at all to keep me from hitting the skip button. All I can say is, I hope Jay got a discount from Pharrell and Usher because this song is horrible.

You ever heard the phrase "pussy whip"? Well, that's exactly why this song is on the album. It seems that Beyonce liked the song and told Jay the track should be on his album. Beyonce does a pretty good job on the chorus, but there's just no helping this song.

The beat to this song is average and in the past these are the beats Jay-Z would make his own. Jay almost sounds like he laid these lyrics down before picking a beat because they don't really match up. Jay-Z talks about some of the rumors surrounding him so that helps out his last verse.

Dig A hole

Finally it's here!!! The old Jay-Z makes an appearance to discuss his former label mates and enemies. The beat is crazy and the guy on the chorus makes a name for himself. I never thought I would say this but Jay-z might wanna stick to diss records. ‘Dig A hole’ will definitely have the streets buzzinnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

Minority report
Once again Jay-Z and Ne-yo hit record right? Wrong jay-z takes us back to Katrina for this record. Like with I made it, I see what he's trying to do but he doesn't do a good job of translating that into good music. And the people on the intro are far more interesting than anything Jay says on the track.

Beach Chair
Probably one of the biggest surprises has to be this. Who would have thought Jay-z would have to get a guy from Coldplay to make him a beat.. Jay-C does a good job of re-connecting to his audience on this one.

Jay-z should have come a lot stronger, with that being said “it is what it is”. Even though Jay-z shows signs of the old Jay, it seems like the Jay-z we loved (Jigga)is a thing of the past.

Friday, November 17, 2006

It got lost in the mail

It's official, Mr. and Mrs. Cruise or Couple Crazy.

Official wedding picture of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes- for the three of you that care.

It seems that I wasn't the only one not invited to the wedding of the century in Rome this weekend. Oprah wasn't invited but Jennifer Lopez was invited? What the hell is up with that? I knew that TomKat was crazy but damn. But the artist known as Suri was invited.

Our friends at Dlisted have all the comings and going of La Pazzesco Cruise (that's crazy for my none Italian friends).

And Star Jones came out of her dungeon with stuff all over her chest.

Poor thing.

And speaking of scary....

Michael Jackson was in London for The World Music Awards. YBF has all the details of the "event"

Oh and ladies if you ever had the fantasy of sleeping with Iron Mike Tyson, you may be closer to your dream (and hopefully you have your psychiatrist on speed dial).Mike is going to be joining a male brothel in Nevada soon.

Okay Ladies don't all of you head to Nevada all once!

And look for the review of Kingdom Come next week

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Keeping the Fire Burning

Another late update I know! But yesterday I was married for one year so I took some time out with my husband. Maybe if Chris Rock took spent some time with his wife and not Superhead he would not have the problems he does now. I am really starting to wonder about Superheads super skills. Maybe that should be a topic for her next book.

I was planning on writing about Eva Longoria and Beyonce playing lesbian lovers in Tipping The Velvet. But Eva has killed the rumor. Too bad because it would have been interesting to see Beyonce ruin another movie with her poor acting skills.

To add to the theme of bad acting, Ashlee 'Is it or isn't my nose' Simpson is making her stage debut in Chicago in London. If there was one family of celebrities that I could do without ever hearing, reading or seeing it would be the Simpsons. Even the Spears clan is less trashy than them. The father is just flat out creepy when he talks about his daughters breast.

Off the celebrity gossip thing, has anybody seen the ads for the snail slime skin cream? Why pay for something like that when you can get your own snail from the backyard to crawl across your skin?

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Playing with ourselves

Ok, my dear friend K.V. invited me to start posting, but I haven't felt inspired with anything celeb gossipy, pop culturated or trash talkative…until now. Question: do women really need to add dyeing their nether regions to their beauty routine??!! Sadly, a new line of hair coloring products for your hoo-ha that’s been making the talk show and magazine rounds says yes.

Listen, I'm all for startups – particularly if they're woman-owned, as the market leader in this soon-to-be thriving category is said to be. And I'm all for women feeling beautiful about themselves in whatever way they choose. In fact, there’s probably some part of my own (minimal) beauty ritual other people would call ridiculous. BUT SINCE WHEN DO WE HAVE TO MATCH?! I figure if anyone gets close enough to see my top hat and tails, he should have enough sense to love them in whatever state they’re in. (Or at least keep his comments to himself.)

And that’s what’s really sticking in my craw, isn’t it? I fear this is just the latest outrageous length my sisters will go to for some dude. “He only likes redheads? Gotta dye my head hair. He might realize I’m not a natural redhead? Gotta dye my bottom hair…” Where does it end, my beloveds? We’re going to make life even harder on ourselves by trying to trick men into thinking a woman's body is perfectly symmetrical in every way. But how many of them run out and grab a bottle of chemicals when the hair on their head is brownish but their beard grows in black?

Surely women aren’t pressuring each other into expanding their dyeing canvas. No one’s ganging up on the follicly mismatched in area locker rooms. No one’s looking at herself in the mirror and saying, "Great thighs, perfect breasts, lovely skin, but boy I wish every hair on my body was the same color..."? And I’d like to see the stats on how many lesbians would even give these products the time of day…

Look, if the disconnect between your cuff and collar is so great that you have to take some peroxide to your pet, then maybe blonde isn't your best color in the first place. But let’s face it: at least one of you has already done a web search to find the products of which I speak. And as soon as some hair changeling celebrity gets on board – J-Lo? Linda Evangelista? Mary J? Pink? – then we’re all doomed. I say no! I say power to the p***y! I say let her be who she wants to be! Thank you and good night.


Monday, November 13, 2006

Fall from grace

I can watch the 'The Talented Mr. Ripley' over and over again to look at Jude Law's beauty.

Looking pretty with Gwyneth Paltrow

I thought he reached his bottom a few months ago.

But I was wrong. Jude, go out and rent 'The Talented Mr. Ripley' and hopefully you will understand the diservice your drug use is doing to the world.

And I see that someone is still following my man around.

Celebrating the one year anniversary of the 40/40 club.

And Mary J Blige has released the cover the for her new album. Didn't Mary just come out with an album? I love Mary but I can only take one album every three years. I just don't have enough tissues around the house.

Nice though...

I've been telling my friends how much I love Daniel Craig as the new Bond. And I'm mostly met with blank stares. The man is gorgeous! And defy anyone to tell me different.

And Celebitchy is reporting that Mr. Craig is packing!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Getting Down and Dirty

Sorry for the delay in updating but the news about Britney and K-Flop upset me. I hid under my covers crying the whole day. I mean, when they were married, it touched me. Deep inside, I knew that this was it. This is what was meant to happen. Ok, Britney had her little thing with that guy with the very high annoying voice, and K-Flop had a busload of kids. More than enough for Angelina Jolie adopt. But together they were a powerful duo. Britney went back to her double wide trailer trash roots to mate. She got in touch with her past, living behind the sugar coated Micky Mouse Club goo of her record company PR department. Now it comes out that K-Flop is going to fight for custody of those two unique looking children.

"Kevin is prepared to go the distance in order to do what he feels is necessary to protect and safeguard the children and will not be intimidated or dissuaded from pursuit of those goals," (CNN)
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K-Flop is such a drama whore. I doubt he would be a much better parent. This folks, has the makings of many months of juicy good gossip. To top it all off we can look forward or shield ourselves from the Britney sex tape coming out soon.

In other news,

Bill Cosby settled a lawsuit Wednesday with a woman who said the entertainer drugged and sexually assaulted her at his home outside Philadelphia. (CNN)

Settled eh? Oh Bill, what have you been up to? Ever since he went on his cake and cola rant I think he has lost it. While at times he makes sense it is really here or there.

In closing this post, I would like to say that I hope K-Flop and Brit can find there way to settle this like that trash bags they are, on the Jerry Springer show.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Letters from America

Dear Peeps,
This trip to America has been filed with so many twist and turns. Britney Spears filing for divorce, the Dems controlling the House and maybe the Senate and Dr. Strangelove aka Donald Rumsfeld resigning! I haven’t felt this good after an US election since 1992. My friend Mo and I shared such a dreadful 2000 election together, so it was only fitting that we fully debated the issues together on the eve of the election.
Ciena is going to post soon (right C?) and I’ll post some good gossip on Friday.
Keep checking in!

Friday, November 03, 2006

It's all about the ruffles

Well kids I'm heading to America. Just in time to watch the elections returns and the Democrats doing their best to lose before the voting begins. Should be fun!
And before we get to the 'mail bag' I have a few items that need to be addressed.

I usually leave fashion commentary to the wonderful ladies at gofugyourself but this picture of Jennifer Lopez at the Latin Grammy's leaves me in a state of utter confusion.
Red is my favorite color but for some reason it never really works for clothing. The body glitter looks great and if I decide to wear a similar number to the office Christmas party I'll be sure to use the same body glitter. But the ruffles, JLO you lost me at the ruffles.

And despite sluggish records sales Janet continues to surprise me. For one, her and Jermaine Dupree are still together, knowing Janet they're probably married with two kids (but must keep it a secret). And I love her new hair, it brings me back to her 'Control' days.

The mailbag.......ask and you shall be answered. Here are some letters from our dear readers, some of the content has been changed for entertainment purposes or for clarity of entertainment purposes.

Dear DF,
Why is the blog so incredibly mean and negative towards celebrities?
Yada, yada, yada, (deleted because it was not entertaining).

Well Anonymous Reader,
Do you want the long version or the short version? It all started in the mid 80's when I was a regular viewer of the Cosby Show. The middle daughter Vanessa was my age, so in a lot of ways I identified with her.
Except that my father wasn't a funny doctor with very cool sweaters. Do you remember when Vanessa dated Robert (maybe you're too young)? But I had the biggest crush on Robert and absolutely hated that he “loved” Vanessa. From that day forward I became a negative and mean person because Robert should have been my boyfriend and it's my goal in life to make the world suffer because of my heartache.

Dear DF,
I love the website but why don't you post daily?
San Francisco

Dear Jen,
Simple the girls at DF have full-time jobs. This is a hobby for pete's sake! A fun hobby.
Plus we try to give you actual funny commentary on the world of celebrities. Not the run of the mill comments like “This is a picture of Brad Pitt in a car” or “This is Halle Berry eating”.
But if we can get a few more funny writers for the blog then of course we would post more often.


Dear DF,
My husband and I are considering adopting a Swedish baby! Those poor pale things. . . .we believe we can give him (or her!) a spicily ethnic experience. Imagine how cool his (or her) life would be with black parents!! But, of course, we would make sure to expose him (or her!) to his or her culture as much as we can. . .and if it’s a girl, definitely no cornrows. . .

Dear E,
I commend you on considering adopting a child from Sweden. Did you know that Sweden has one of the highest suicide rates in the world? You would be saving that child from a horrible and certain death.
And I'm sure you would expose the child to their wonderful (if not backwards) Swedish culture. I put your efforts right up their with Madonna, Angelina Jolie and the rest of the wonderful humanitarians of the world
If it's a girl don't worry about the hair. This is minor, no one could expect you to know how Swedish people take care of their hair.
Good luck with the adoption! And if it doesn't work out you may want to consider a baby from Norway.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Glass of OJ for me and some Ice-T for Sam

I thought the days of Hollywood using shoe polish on actors was over. Maybe it is, maybe they now have some magic colored people spray-on skin tone. If so, then Angelina Joli has been using it for her upcoming film A Mighty Heart. In the film Angelina plays Mariane Pearl, Daniel Pearls wife. Some people do not like that Angelina is playing Mariane, a biracial woman, they want another actress to take on the role. I will not talk about that but say that the makeup and hair style are a perfect match.
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Hats off to Snakes On A Plane star Samuel L. Jackson for not working with rappers trying to be actors. Except for a few such as Tupac and Ice Cube, most can not act. Ice-T is a prime example of this, he sees himself as a rapper, ex-pimp, ex-drug dealer, actor, and opinion whore. I don't know about his dealing and pimping but he is pretty bad at the rest. I was so happy when he was killed on New York Undercover . Then he had the nerve to pop back up on Law & Order. Go feed your pet sharks or something!

OJ Simpson should be ashamed of himself. I know if you did or didn't kill his ex-wife and her friend. But to write a book about it and profit from it is sick. It is disrespectful to the memory of your children's dead mother. Have some class loser.