Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Is Clive Davis a drug counselor?

Whitney Houston made an appearance this week at the 17th Carousel of Hope Ball looking great. New wig, a little weight and a smile. Wow! I guess that ‘pray for Whitney Houston day’ really worked.

And Halle was there with her man candy.


Okay so Blogger is running like a sick dog these days. And I just don't have the patience, which is the reason for the short posts. But hopefully the problems will be fixed soon. We'll open our mail bag this week. Yes, sometimes we actually read the emails. If you have any questions, comments or suggestions email us at: desperatelyfabulous@gmail.com

Friday, October 27, 2006

Blame it on the union jack

Naomi Campbell was arrested again this week for assaulting her drug counselor. I'm no psychiatrist (although I play one on the Internet) but I think Naomi has some serious issues.
I know it was tough for Naomi growing up black in Britain. Having to pretend that Rugby and Cricket were actually sports of significance. And that up until ten years ago it was almost impossible to find a good weave maker in Britain. Not having a good hairdresser can cause serious damage to a girl! But Naomi dear, it's time to move past those dark years. Britain has changed, didn't you get Tony Blair's memo on the new Britain? Let's move on girl.
I have an idea, Naomi needs to go on Oprah. I believe that an appearance on Oprah can solve all problems (Here's the evidence). But here's the twist, I'll also appear on the show taking Dr. Robin's place, since I highly question the fact that she's even a shrink based on her useless and whimsical advice. The three of us will get at the heart of the problem. And if that doesn't work Oprah can get Gayle to kick Naomi's ass.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Its a week early but...Happy Halloween

Before I get to the photos I just want to take a minute to say something to Wesley Snipes.

Wesley, I know you are worried, you face real jail time for dealing with some shady people. But you know what, you should have known better. You have been around too long not to know that what you did was wrong. Be a man and face the music. Whats the worse that can happen? You go to jail for a couple of years. So what, it be a country club not some maximum security prison.

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Oh Al, you kinky boy!
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Star Jones as the unknown comic
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Destiny's child dressed as Ursula and her helpers
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Suri in her true form, Tom as a UFO and Katie as the thing from the Abyss
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Duck, well he was hard to do so I just gave him some snake skin and fangs.

If you have a request I will post it next week.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I'm no relationship expert but....

I consider myself an expert in many topics: world politics, Sassy magazine(may she RIP), literary criticism, chocolate, diet soft drinks and airport lounges (just to name a few).

Relationships expertise is not my forte but allow me to examine two relationships that are just beyond normalcy.
First up, our favorite couple in love have announced their wedding date. Mark your calenders because November 18th is the special day. Armani will have the honor of designing Katie Holmes' dress.
And Katie Holmes will have the honor of signing her life away. This wedding leaves me with more questions than answers. Inquiring minds want to know will the artist known as Suri be in attendance? And will Katie be allowed to speak? Or will a Scientology handling agent say “I do' for her? Will Tom Cruise wear platform shoes? And will Oprah be there?

Love is bliss!

Next up Kim Porter, Puffy (P. Diddy, Puff, Diddy, Sean) and Jennifer Lopez. Oh Puffy, what are we going to do with you? Now you're claiming that you were never in love with JLo and during the entire relationship you still loved Kim. Can you explain the song “I need a girl” which you made about Jennifer after she sent you packing (I think Jennifer Lopez wrote the lyrics for “Irreplaceable”)? Or the fact that you had the audacity to make a remix for that wack ass song. And I quote:
“But everytime I think about your pretty smile
And how we used to drive the whole city wild
Damn I wish you would've had my child”

I know the PR people at Bad Boy told you that black women are a key demographic for your album sales. But the only black woman buying your story is Kim. I hope she retained her orginal child support lawyer.
And while were on the subject of your album, some people who claim to be friends told me 'Press Play' was not that bad. Well, I had a listen and these people are now on probation in the friends department. Although the song “Tell Me with Christina Aguilera” is hot! Only because your “rapping' is kept to an absolute minimum on the track.

I need to send Christina a bottle of Clairol number 44 Mocha Splash

Friday, October 20, 2006

I’m in love with a camel….

I love Jay-Z, yeah I said it. No, I don’t just love his music ,because he has made some trash (his collaboration with R. Kelly anyone?). But I love the man. I have a reoccurring dream where Jay pleads with me to leave my boyfriend. I ask him about Beyonce and he claims that he doesn’t even really know her “She just happens to show up every damn where I go”. We roll around in his Maybach and I finally know what it feels like to be embarrassingly rich. Although not really since it's only dream.
I think about Jay’s proposal and the fact that with access to Jay’s bank account I can go into Gucci and buy the place out. Weekend trips to St. Barts. Ohh the dilemma! But it’s not only Jay’s bank account I love. The man went to Africa and did not come back with a baby! But most importantly I love him for his just down right inspirational lyrics. When I feel down, I turn to Jigga. He's a complicated man, for these complicated times. Here are a few of my all time favorites and why:

“Put me anywhere on God's green earth, I'll triple my worth”- When I need to get my "hustle on" - aka when I need to put more money in the bank

“Ay, I might even have me a cappuccino, fuck it!”- When I should not even think about drinking coffee, but I go for it anyway. Cappuccino style!

"If you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack”- When I explain my reasoning about something but for some reason no one get its.

“Thank God for grantin me this moment of clarity. This moment of honesty”- For when that little light bulb goes off in my head.

This could be my car. The Maybach Coupe 2006

Buy, download or bootleg the new album Kingdom Come and get your daily inspiration.In stores November 21st, illegal bootlegs November 1st. And if you hear rumors of a Jay and Beyonce break-up, you won’t have to wonder why.

Wait, hold up!
Dr. O'Malley aka T.R Knight has come out of the closet?!

My gaydar was completely off on this one. Apparently the ever so handsome Isaiah Washington sort of outed T.R during his fight with Patrick Dempsey on the set.
Allegedly Isaiah said "I’m not your little faggot like T.R.". See to me that's not actually outing, since in some circles faggot is interchangeable with the word bitch.
Congrats T.R., one less actor hiding in the closet.

Hmmm....I never seen this picture before. Gaydar is functioning again.

*please note the new comment system.
Good news: it's now much easier to leave and track comments.
Bad news: all previous comments have been lost.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I don't need you, you need me

Poor 50 cent, with nobody to start a beef with he has jumped on the dis Oprah bandwagon. If Oprah wanted to have the likes of 50 cent, Dr.Dre and Snoop on her show she would. If she does not want to have your “rag to riches” story, 50 cent, on her show then that is her right. What would be the point of having him on the show anyway? The guy mumbles everything, they would have to have subtitle the whole show.

Hats off to Madonna for making the brave and original move to adopt a black child. She did it out the goodness of her heart not as a PR stunt. Little David will have the great joy of seeing his new mother dance around in a bright purple leotard, a new father that makes disrespectful comments about his wife and a big sister that demand he brings her a diet coke not a fucking regular coke.

Erykah, it can be a very trying and difficult to style natural hair. But just slapping on some braid hair and calling it a day is not the way to go. If you really want to try that style get a wig.

As promised next week, photos of your favorite and least favorite celebrities in Halloween costumes.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Sins of Sisterhood

Sorry for the anemic posts the last few days. But the girls at DF love to travel. Both of us are back in the fold this week, so you’re guaranteed a nice dose of snark.

Tyra Banks is so smart. She knows everything about sisterhood (despite the fact that she doesn’t have a Gayle). I don’t trust women that don’t have close girlfriends, regardless of how beautiful they may be. But that doesn’t stop our Tyra from telling the world the “Sins of Sisterhood”

See, I was right there until I read gossip……

Friday, October 13, 2006

Class in the eye of the beholder

I get a good feeling when I see a nice classy couple walk down the red carpet.

But when I see Ice-T and his wife Coco, I can't seem to get images of “Pimps up, Ho's down” out my head.

We all know that lil' Kim has been a regular at the plastic surgeon. But I didn't realize how much until I saw the before and after pics.



Self hatred is not a good thing people.....

And Kim's plastic surgery icon Michael Jackson, was spotted in drag in Nice, France this week.

No, not a good look.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

We're rich b*tches!

Google has just made these two guys very rich. Reportedly paying 1.6Billion USD for a company that has not yet posted a profit and did not exist a year ago. Are we going back crazy days of 1999? I need to work on my new web business plan pronto!

"We're going to party like it's 1999"

Monday, October 09, 2006

Reunions are overrated

Reunions are overrated. It's reported that Paris and Nicole have made up. Does this mean that she can stop her hunger strike now?

So what's her excuse for such extreme starvation? Is Paris upset at you too sweetie?

See, and all this time I thought designers actually designed clothes for humans.

Jay-Z released the first single “Show me what you got”. Let's start lining up the haters. 50 cent/Stepin Fetchit - check, Cam'ron – check, Jadakiss- check, anyone else?

As for the single, I'm hoping that he's going to show a lot more.

And while I have 50 cent/Stepin Fetchit on my mind, our little hater had this to say about Oprah.
"Oprah will have a rapist on her show and have a discussion about why they do it, but won't have a rags to riches story on her show. She'll have Kanye West on her show. I think middle America would rather have they kids be gay, than have them aggressive."

Interesting....is someone calling Kanye gay? Maybe 50/Stepin Fetchit is in the best position to make that call.

And Al and Star are enjoying their new digs in Miami. How did Al get Star to move to the gay Mecca of South Beach?

She still has some skin in need of removing.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Anna Nicole Smith- it's all about logic

Janet's new album 20 y.o. debuted at number 2 this week.

The low showing is apparently putting Jermaine Dupri's job in jeopardy. Here's the thing, the album is not that bad. Janet's voice just is not strong enough to carry off some of the weaker tracks. Janet probably needed to go back to Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis or maybe even Timberland. Chin-up Jermaine you engineered one major comeback this year (Mariah Carey), can't win them all. Some days I ask myself why I'm not a record executive.

I think Katie Holmes wants to marry Posh. Posh is around the same height as Tom. Plus, Posh can make her smile.

Holding hands sans baggage in Paris

Can someone explain to me who the hell Scott Storch is and why Kelly Rowland is crazy enough to have her picture taken with him?

I have a strong urge to punch him in the face.

Ahhh happy times. Anna Nicole Smith's wedding day to her creepy lawyer. Something tells me that the happy/deranged look on her face is not all natural.

It all seems so logical. Son dies in your room shortly after giving birth and to wrap up the week's events the logical thing would be to get married. This whole craziness seems like a storyline from Young & Restless or All my Children Is Anna really from Pine Valley or Genoa City?


Wednesday, October 04, 2006

So NotPRETTYious

Congratulations to Tori Spelling and her husband Dean-something. May your child have Dean's nose, Tori's fathers business sense, Candy Spelling's cost saving sense and Deans parents good sense to give the child a normal name. Yes, congratulations to you both!

At least Dean-something knows he is the father of the child. Poor Larry Birk head has to wait for a DNA test to see if he is the father of Dannilynn Hope . No, Dannilynn is not a typo, that is the poor girl's name. While Anna Nicole Smith was out drugging it up and posing for Playboy, she should have taken a break for some community college courses. Maybe then she would have known how to spell Danielle Lynn.

My favorite holiday is coming up soon, Halloween, so there will be a special post around that time with celebrity costumes. Until then a spooky picture to get you in the mood: