Friday, July 14, 2006

If I ruled the world....

This has been a slow week in the world of gossip. Still no sightings of little Suri but plenty of conspiracy theories. Therefore, step into my world.......
I was having dinner with a friend not too long ago and the topic of actors came up. More specifically who could act and who could not. Which got me to thinking what would happen if I ruled Hollywood for a day (or a week, year, eternity)?
First I would start with my list of people who would be banned from Hollywood for the rest of their natural lives.

First up:
Angelina Jolie: I have no idea as to why this woman is famous. Okay, I do have an idea but it sure ain’t for her acting ability. If she was in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean without a life jacket and Jennifer Aniston was pushing her head under water, she still could not convince me she was drowning.


Halle Berry: Well Ms. Berry just because you won an Oscar does not mean that you can act (see Angelina Jolie, Marisa Tomei, Gwyneth Paltrow). I make this face every time I look into the mirror; my friends have aptly called it my “mirror face”. Well Halle has what I call her "ugly face"; crying, running nose and blabbering with a bad accent. That is what passes for acting in Halle’s book. Not in mine!


Almost gone....
Some of you may be surprised to see Denzel on “bordering banishment list”. But I recently watched ‘Inside Man’ and during the entire movie I had this feeling that I had already seen the movie before. I hadn’t, but I had of course seen Denzel play the same role at least a dozen times. Now it may not be his fault that he doesn’t get offered more diverse roles. But with me at the helm of Hollywood that would all change. I want to see Denzel in a real romantic comedy, with a genuine love interest. And no, none of that Will Smith type bullsh*t. More in the lines of a “Harry met Sally” type movie.


Should be gone....but...
I want to believe that Matthew McConaughey can act. But it seems that in every one of his movies, he’s just playing a different variation of himself. “Oh that’s Matthew acting silly”, or “Oh that’s Matthew having fun” or real range “That’s Matthew sad”
I’m tired of him bringing his “Ah shucks” routine to every role. In order to stay in Hollywood, Matthew you must play a very serious role (and not one of Southern Origin). Exchange scripts with Philip Seymour Hoffman right now!


Ralph Fiennes gets a lifetime pass. I watched ‘The Constant Gardner’ the other night. And the script just had sooo much wrong but Ralph made the movie almost right. He’s the Bill Clinton of acting (no not in that way) you really feel his pain through his acting. He actually becomes the characters that he’s playing. What a concept?!


Poor Angela Bassett. So much talent and so few roles. I would hire a screenwriter that would be dedicated to writing roles to complement Angela’s talent. To make things easier, I would give her all Angelina's scripts. Have your pick, I’m sure there is a good one in the bunch.


Moving on
Oh my god! How short is Jermaine? Damn.....

He must shop at the junior section- and still his pants appear to be too long.

Meg, you're always late on the latest fashion. Didn't you learn that when you were the last person in Hollywood to hook-up with Russell Crowe?

I like the new Monica song “Everytime the beat drops”. Now if only she would take that stank look off her face, maybe she could sell more albums.

Lenny Kravitz gets on my last nerve. Below celebrating the Italian worldcup victory. Lenny, I want you to name one Italian player on the world cup team and one country that borders Italy.

Yeah, didn’t think so…..

Could you give Lenny a headbut please?

Who knew that Zidane was a bit sexy???

I'm sorry but I can't take this serious. E! has more credibility.

I demand that they remove the word 'news' from the ad. News should not be 'personal', news is just news. I know it's hard and you want to talk about curing cancer, your hair and your fun personality but just the facts

Look at Penny Woods. Lookin’ good.

I can never ever ever say enough about airbrushing

Foxy, where you going?

"To the free clinic"

If I only had a brain

Someone stop this woman from doing interviews.

Do you think Star would go back to being fat if she could have her old job back?

Until next time. Send me an e-mail if I missed some key gossip or stories


<< Home