Kiss the dice and roll a lucky 7

By R.L
Desperately Fabulous Contributor

Happy New Year to everyone. Hopefully everyone had a fun and safe new year's....if not better luck next year.
Okay, let me start off by saying if you've never been on the Las Vegas strip on new year's eve, then you owe it to yourself to check it out. Between the strip, casinos & night clubs you're bound to find something to fall into.
So let's recap my New year's eve. After getting drunk with all the locals down on the strip at Margarita Ville, I decided my destination of choice was Club Tao hosted by Usher and Pamela Anderson. Let me just say that Pamela Anderson might just be from the Canadian ghetto because the way she acted when the club wouldn't let her friends in was "Mad hood'. I haven't heard that many curse words since my mom found out Kobe's accuser was white. Moving on, after showing my desperately fabulous pass, I was escorted to none other than the V.I.P room . Where I saw R&B Messiah Usher Raymond. Now I'm not a hater or at least I thought I wasn't but who does this brotha think he is? Prince? I mean you would have thought he was a prince of a small African village the way he had grown ass women fainting. Other celebrities in the building were Chris Tucker and Britney Spears who I thought was throwing another party on the strip but I guess not. Pauly Shore fresh off his ass whoopin' in Texas along with a host of other celebrities. Overall Club Tao did a great job of putting this night together the DJ was great the people were great and best of all the alcohol was free.

Tanzanian village here I come!

I know we're a week into the new year but I need to talk about resolutions. Since New Year's resolutions for celebrities (and the rest of us) are basically meant to be broken, I came with a few well needed resolutions.

Jay-Z

• Stay in the board room since these young rappers have no respected for their elders.

• Stop saying I'm gonna 'bring New York back', the only time New York made a comeback was on Flavor of Love.

• Stop telling people 30 is the new 20, especially when you're almost 40

Tom Cruise

• Stop trying to get everybody to convert over to the Church of Scientlogy.

• Do not stand on anymore couches

• Admit that keeping the baby under wraps was kinda weird.

Beyonce Knowles

• Get some breath mints. The secret is out that you have bad breath.

• Stop letting mom and dad speak for you.

• Help out your boyfriend and sign to Def Jam so you can up those record sales.

Nicole Richie

• Eat a burger

• with some fries

• and a soft drink

Kanye West

• Button up all your shirts, you're starting to look suspect

• Stop being so paranoid

• Stop being such a mama's boy